Monday, November 10, 2014

My Heart Belongs to God

On October 21st I had a stent put in my heart. Prior to that event, my heart ached within me. So often we talk about a "heart ache" because something has happened to us, some sad event such as a death or the lose of a friendship. That wasn't the case for me. My heart truly did ache within me. At first it would only take place at times during the day and then would pass and be gone. As time went on, it would begin to last longer until it would start when I rose in the morning and would continue through out the day. It became easier to say when my heart didn't ache within me than when it did. For day and night my heart would ache within me. 

So I finally went to the doctor and he performed the heart catherization. Laying there while the doctor plays around inside your heart is a little weird. I can't say that I felt anything because I didn't Yet I was still aware of what was taking place. The medication put me into a fog but at the same time I was aware of what was taking place. It is a strange feeling to have the doctor saying to you, "As we talked about, I am going to put a stent into that artery in order to open it up." What am I to say at that point? Al I could think of was a simple, "OK." How profound! "OK." Here is a man with a wire up inside my artery, reaching into the area of my heart, telling me he is going to put a stent (which I assumed is some sort of metal but I am not sure) inside my artery and all I can say is "OK." Then I listened as they talked about what size they would use - which made no sense to me.

And I wonder to myself about the whole situation. I am willing to let the doctor play inside my heart because it is for my best. "OK," is all I say. And he does what is needed. Others will have valves replaced and bypasses done, all in order to keep alive, to make life better for them. I was having it done to get rid of the aching in my chest that would never go away. I placed myself in the hands of the doctor, trusting that he would do what was right.

As I think about it (wonder about it), I think about how reluctant we are to allow God into our hearts. We close up our hearts and refuse to allow God to work in our hearts and lives because of a variety of reason. We don't want God running our lives. We don't feel that we need Him. We don't believe He exists. There are as many reasons as there are people who refuse to allow God to come into their hearts. Let the doctor play around inside there but God better not get involved. Don't let God in your heart. Refuse Him. Fight Him. Do whatever is necessary to come up with some sort of other "god" or form of worship or form of life but refuse the true God.

Amazing! I am completely amazed with that. "OK" I say to the doctor. "NO," I say to God. Really? Isn't that backwards? But the doctor has your life in his hands. Yes, and God has your eternity in His hands. In reality, it is God who has your life in His hands too, whether you acknowledge Him or believe in Him. He alone guides the hands of the doctors. He alone gives health. He alone controls life and death. It isn't the doctor. It is God who holds your life in His hands. 

As I came out of surgery, I must say, I gave thanks to God for that stent. I rejoiced that He was the One in charge and not the doctor. He was the One who held my heart. He still holds my heart. He fills my heart to overflowing with His love. He alone is the One who gives me the freedom from the pain the chest. How? Through the work of the doctor. Through the medicine. Through the stent. But ultimately through His healing hand. There alone is the freedom from the aching, the pain, the problems.

Yes, I have a stent. But in the end, it is God who has my heart. 

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